The constant confessions of a fraternity girl

I wanted VPC originally but there are a lot of complications and it might not come to vote for a new officer for weeks. Panhell del applications are due tomorrow, so I’m either all in or all out. Will I hate myself if I get panhell del and VPC opens in a few weeks? I have no idea what to do!

Sometimes, I’m just so frustrated with my sorority that I want nothing to do with it. And the more I think about this position opening up (the one I originally wanted at elections), the more angry I am. Yeah, I can run for the position I wanted so badly, but as second choice. And it’s an internal position, maybe I’d rather do something external. I think I need a few days to just not talk to anyone about it and not think about it.

I want to be that girl that does it all.

Basically danced the night away with J’s fraternity brothers. Once the party died down and the randoms left and I had much more fun. Note to randoms going to fraternity parties: when a girl says she has a boyfriend IN THAT FRATERNITY, back off. No one appreciates you grabbing me.

Ps. Highlight of the night was way later when the guys played country music and I was two stepping with a couple of the guys. Must teach J to two step.

So my president approached me today to ask me if I’d be interested in running for Panhellenic Delegate since our current one is stepping down. I’m wondering if I should do it. It means committing to not only Panhell meetings but also exec ones. But it could be leadership experience that could help me when I apply to Order of Omega next year…

I really don’t know. Apparently quite a few people think I would be good at it, but I’m not sure. Most of the time I think the decisions Panhellenic makes are a garbled mess of the originally good idea. Maybe having a voice could stop such decisions, or maybe I’ll just get even more frustrated because I can’t change things.

It was so stressful getting everyone there on time for Trivia Night starting but once we were there I could relax for a few drinks. Some of our alums came and were in the lead for awhile (“Team Old Farts”) but my team ended up taking first place (“Team Gorgeous”). We won $50 in gift certificates which I used to buy a round of shots for the entire group, which at that point was about 35 people. And everyone had so much fun! I’m so glad that things went really well, because it totally stressed me out. Now I’m just dealing with the aftermath- as M says, “you spend more time watching people get drunk than actually drinking yourself”. So I’ve got a massive headache and no urge to head to campus and study. Oh well, shower time it is.

When I was young I used to dream every night; vivid, often haunting dreams of magic and the evils of the world. As I grew older the dreams became more scarce, and when morning came I could not recall the images of only minutes before. But lately, I’ve begun to dream again. This time though, is different. I dream of the horrors of the past, and the ones of the future. The literature I read for class comes alive and haunts my conscience as I sleep. In my dreams I feel helpless; watching it happen before my eyes without the ability or knowledge to react. And when I wake, I’m safe, in the comfort of my own bed. Protected from the world. And for a minute I can relax, calm myself with reminders that it was just a dream. Until reality washes over me, reminding me it was not just a dream, but history.

J is doing homework in the living room and anticipating the soup I’m making for dinner. It’s basically cream of vegetable, though mainly broccoli and cauliflower. His appreciation for my cooking definitely makes me more than willing to cook more. As my mother says, “that boy knows how to play his cards right”.